Sterile

I'm sitting here getting slowly sterile from the heat of this bloody laptop. Under normal circumstances I might have switched to the desktop by now. But I won't. Not today. Susan is in baby mode. And it's the "I want" not "let's make one" kind of mood. She's been inundating me recently with old baby photo's of the kids. The baby questions have been slowly hitting my head like, um, a woodpecker on crack maybe?

"See how cute they are?" It's true. We make some good looking kids. Which made me wonder, as I often do, why other peoples babies are so ugly. I mean, I'm a logical, critical thinking kind of guy. How can that be? Did my kids beat the odds? 1 in a million? The unfunky-looking symetrical, un-cross-eyed poo-bombs? I just looked back through the photo's. Turns out that both Jake and Wookie were cross-eyed, bumpy, floppy-headed examples of poop-bomb baby perfection! Adorable! Who knew? I always did. LOL!

Jake just about killed me as a baby. He was the whinyist lil dump truck of a baby (10lb) I've ever seen. I swear he didn't stop crying until he was over a year old. I would never have thought, not in a million years that I'd call a complete stranger, in tears and ask "why, whhhyyy, WHY won't he stop crying?" But I did. He brought me to the point where I wanted to jump out the window just so I wouldn't have to hear it anymore. Which may have worked if we didn't live in a ranch at the time.

And Wookie? He was a little angel. But now? He's so hard-headed. Each night, at bedtime, it turns into a Gladitorial event. There's anticipation, rapid maneuvers, diversion, tears and passion. It's a production worthy of Hollywood. Every night. Him or me. One of us is going to sleep! Thankfully he hasn't resorted to utilizing the hammer toy! Real bright idea that one, a hammer toy! Nothing good can come of a toy hammer. If the inventor of that toy was standing in front of me right now... Well, I'd, I'd kick him in the bollocks and hammer him for every parent who's ever been minding their own business, watching the TV, and WHAM!

But do I really want anymore kids? I dunno. Do I really want anymore kids? How would we make it work? How would Jake and Luke handle it? Will I succumb to the pressure? Will Wookie utilize the hammer? Only time will tell.

- Tuesday, September 23, 2008 at 8:41pm